INTRODUCTION
I plan on attending graduate school in the next two years. As a result, I recently took the GREs, specifically the regular GRE and the English Literature GRE. In many ways the regular GRE was just like the SAT I took in high school, with the exception that it was on a computer. The English Literature GRE was a paper and pencil test though, so it was pretty much identical to the SAT II’s, which I also took many years ago. Which leads me to say, if you are a senior preparing for college and are cocky enough to think now is the last time you will ever take a long, broad, and perhaps boring standardized test, there is a good chance you are wrong.
MY CURSIVE IS ACTUALLY QUITE GOOD
I first took the regular GRE at Central Washington University, which is located in Ellensburg. For anyone not familiar with Central Washington University, it has a pretty nice campus. For anyone not familiar with Ellensburg, there really is not much there besides Central Washington University. And for anyone not familiar with GRE protocol, it began with me locking all of my belongings in a locker, then having my picture taken, and then spending about half an hour trying to remember how to write in cursive as I copied down an anti-cheating anti-test-question-spreading statement that for some reason could not be printed. The actual GRE was administered in a room full of computers, and with the computers came scratch paper, pencils, and headphones. When I took the test there were four other people who typed away at computers with me, all who I remember struggling with the cursive that morning as well.
Skipping over what I promised not to talk about in the most elegant and flowing connected letters anyone has ever seen, I finished the test in about four hours and after which I hit the road. Truthfully though, there is nothing exciting to say about the test, besides the fact that the end is bit maddening. The GRE computer gives you two options right before you finish; finalize your answers and receive your score immediately, or throw out all your work and have no score recorded. The idea is if you think you did poorly you can save your self at the last minute, although I really think the makers of the GRE just wanted to throw some gambling into their test for added excitement. At any rate, I paid good for the test so I finalized my score and did about as I expected; a very good score in English and an almost perfectly average score in math. Obviously I do not take after my father, the math teacher.
BUT THE WATER WAS NOT HOT ENOUGH
Following the test I drove up to Seattle, where I visiting my friend Annie. We did a number of fun things over the course of a couple days, like go kayaking, hike up Mt. Si, see if eggs can cook in a hot tub, see some market, and move boxes around a new apartment. Actually, those last two things might have been what I did a month before when I visited other friends in Seattle, I am not sure; all of my Seattle memories kind of run together since everyone in Seattle is so alike. What I do, however, remember specifically doing with Annie is going to a bar one night, meeting up with some more college friends, and then going back to Annie’s for food. So far this story is boring, except for that after I got to Annie’s the food I ended up eating was an entire jar of pickled artichoke hearts. Which later I threw up. Until this instance I do not think anyone has heard this story, or at least not Annie; I sure did not tell her anyway.
The mention of a bar and throwing up is sure to make some people draw conclusions. To clarify, however, alcohol was not the culprit, but rather my personality. The first time I ever ate smoked muscles I threw up. The first time I ever ate fried okra I threw up. And, the first time I ever ate pickled artichoke hearts I threw up. The fact is when it comes to new foods I have very little self-control, and when we got back to Annie’s that night she mentioned there was a 40 oz. jar of pickled artichoke hearts in the fridge. Never having had them before, I became excited and ate one, then two, then Annie left the room soon no more artichoke hearts were left. Annie then came back, rolled her eyes, and went to bed. After I apologized I crawled into my sleeping bag, waited a bit, then crawled out of my sleeping bag, ran to the kitchen sink, and threw up everything. I also threw up quietly, and cleaned the sink thoroughly. I do not think I was caught.
MATH AND CHEAPNESS GOT TO ME
A month after being a bad guest I went to the University of Oregon in Eugene to take the English Literature GRE. At the same time I also had the idea that I should retake the regular GRE, in hopes of improving my math score, which in retrospect was a dumb idea. The English Literature test was on a Friday. Over the weekend, I managed to catch strep. Come Monday, I retook the regular GRE, and while my math score went up four percentile points my English score nose-dived. This led me to understand an important truth, which is when applying to English graduate programs do not fret math scores. Also, I probably learned something about not taking tests when feeling horrible with strep. All I remember from that Monday, besides my feverish body shaking the computer screen and not being able to swallow, was thinking about how the test was non-refundable and how no matter what I was going to get my money’s worth.
CONCLUSION
In case anyone is concerned, overall my second regular GRE scores were not horrible, so my future should be fine. And as for graduate school, I say I should be there in two years because it is looking like I will do another tour in Korea. I do not know why people always assume I was in Korea before because I was either in the army or on a mission, but no one ever seems to expect I lived in Korea for a year simply to teach English. Instead of correcting people, I am now trying to beat them to the punch by just lying. So come this summer I am back to Korea. If you need to contact me, write to my home church. Or base.
PICTURE
Climbing Mt. Si, apparently by myself.
